How crazy! Time has been flying! The day I applied for this trip seems like yesterday and now the day I leave is approaching so fast.
To be completely honest, these past few months have been difficult in regards to preparing my heart for Uruguay. It has been such a roller coaster. I couldn't tell if this is what the Lord really had in store for me or if it was some selfish reason of my wanting to be in a different country. I went back an forth from being excited to serve the Lord to feeling drained and empty, with thoughts of confusion, doubt, and fear of the unknown.
Coming into college there was a lot of the unknown. I spent the beginning
wondering who I would spend most of my time with,
wondering if I would fall back into old ways,
wondering if I would like college,
wondering what I would major in,
wondering way to much about what the world wanted of me!
After some of the unknown became known, there was just a whole bunch more of the unknown. It frightened me. I didn't know what was next, and that scared the living kajeebies out of me.
All of a sudden I am applying for this trip because it was something I felt God set on my heart. I then got to sit and wait to see if I got accepted. I figured if I did, it was something I was suppose to do. Sure enough, I got accepted!
God has been so faithful through it all...but me, I kept doubting. I kept fearing the unknown.
Support raising is a difficult process. Satan tries to tell us that people don't want to help and that God won't provide. Support raising in the past was not as difficult as it has been for this trip. It hasn't been awful, but it hasn't been the best. Having doubt that God would provide builds up another unknown: will I receive enough financially to go on this trip?
Kingdom Called was a conference my team, and many other teams went to- to meet the teams, learn more about where we are going, and pump each other up!
I learned a lot there, I was excited to meet everyone, but I wasn't as excited as everyone else.
This scared me. I wanted to have a heart filled with joy and excitement.
A lot of things are happening in the beginning of this summer such as:
my aunt and my sisters birthday
my two friends coming back from a 9 month mission trip
my friend finally staying home for a summer
my brothers birthday
two weddings
and the fear of coming back and not finding a job in the middle of summer
I'd say looking at the list, they are legit reasons to be upset about.
BUT WHATTTTTT?!??!
Hello! I am going to Uruguay! I have this amazing opportunity to serve Jesus and pour into these college students and I am worried.
Weird. straight up!
Yesterday and today were so good.
When I say "so good"... I mean SOOOOO GOOOD!
My two best friends came back from their nine month mission trip. I was so nervous to see both of them. Nervous of the unknown.. nervous of change.. nervous of how little I felt I knew about them.
HA! it was all so awesome. I got to spend time with both of them and yeah, there was change. But not bad change... just GROWTH! Both have them have grown so much in so many ways, but especially with the Lord. They are still themselves but they are filled with something so much better, so much bigger.
Today, God really confirmed why he was sending me to Uruguay.
I have grown so much over this past year and everything I have learned, God wants me to put into action. He wants me to step out in faith and be a leader. Share the good news! The EXCITING good news.
Now THAT.. that makes me excited.
All of the things I was upset about leaving, they will all be here when I get back.
There will always be an unknown. We won't know!
BUT -God will reveal it to us in incredible ways!
(:
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